Lights will guide you home
by Marte
Summary: Juliark! Based on CP Coulter's Dalton!verse. Julian gets what he wants, but is it what he needs?


Disclaimer: All characters, except Blaine (who belongs to Ryan Murphy) belong to the amazing CP Coulter, and is part of her wonderful Dalton!verse. The title and lyrics throughout this is "Fix You" by Coldplay. The quote where Clark tells Julian that he can always come back is taken from CP Coulter's tumblr.

AN: It has come to my attention that people have been pestering our dear CP and bugging her about updates and stuff, to the extent that she is now sick. If any of my readers are guilty of that, you should be ashamed of yourself, and you should immediately start rectifying the situation and make amends. I suggest one of the following: 1. Write a check of $ 10 000 to a charity working with children or LGBT-awareness. 2. Dedicate your summer, or one day a week for the next year working as a volunteer for such an organisation. 3. Open a document on your computer and type "Fanfic-authors are not paid to entertain me. They have a life, with work and friends, and believe it or not; they need to eat and sleep as well. The fact that they spend hours every day, week, month and year to create stuff for me to enjoy, is something I should be very thankful for. I will never again pester a fanfic-writer." Oh, and that should be written a thousand times every day, which I guess will equal the amount of time many fanfic-writers spend writing about our favorite characters. 4. If you fail to do any of that, I expect you to write a large sign saying "NO H8. Equal rights for all. I don't care if you're gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. You MATTER!" and stand in the parking lot at your school, holding that sign for the rest of the school year, and the first week when school starts again. - These options are in addition to writing a long, heartfelt letter of apology to CP Coulter, and whoever else you have probably been bothering, and post it here on and tumblr.

And I am sorry for that long AN. On with the story.

* * *

><p><em>Tears stream down your face<em>

It really was just a matter of bad timing, or lucky timing depending on who defined it, when Clark entered Julian's trailer to ask him something, only to find the younger actor face down on his bed, heartbreaking sobs raking his body. Clark didn't mean to pry when he picked up the phone from the floor before sitting down next to Julian, his eyes just accidentally swiped over the display and registered the few words: "Logan and Blaine are painfully happy. Save me!" It wasn't the time to ask questions, so Clark just sat there for the next hour stroking his friends back, trying his best to comfort him until he fell asleep.

_When you try your best, but you don't succeed_

Julian tried to put up a nonchalant front, pretending he came back to Hollywood because he missed it. Clark saw through him. As soon as Julian had set foot back in Tinsel Town, Clark noticed the difference in his friend. The actor, turned private school student, turned actor again, had changed. He wasn't the boy who, while being snarky, still liked to joke around and have fun. He had kept the snarkiness, but lost the happiness while at Dalton, Clark thought. After once again finding Julian in a middle of a breakdown, he got the younger boy to tell him about Logan.

After a few months in Hollywood, Clark happened to see another text on Julian's phone: "Logan and Blaine broke up. Help me!" Two days later, Julian was on a flight back to Ohio.

_When you lose something you can't replace_

As Julian once again returned to Hollywood, Clark's heart broke for his friend. Things had obviously not gone in his favor. While playing video games one afternoon, the older boy noticed the marks on Julian's back. The brunette had forgotten about them as he took off his shirt mid-game, and cursed himself when Clark looked at them with scrutiny and started asking questions.

Things were awkward for a bit after that. Julian felt as if Clark saw him differently. Saw him as a victim. Something he certainly was not! It had only happened once. And it's not like he didn't fight Logan back. A nagging thought in the back of Julian's mind told him that he could never go back. Could never undo Logan hurting him. The marks on his back from when Logan had pushed him into the door, and not with the purpose Julian so often dreamed about, would fade and disappear with time. The scars on his soul would stay there forever. But he still loved Logan so much that his heartache over the blonde lead singer's pursuit of yet another Warbler drowned that thought out.

When Julian couldn't bear the awkwardness anymore, the two actors talked, resulting in Clark telling him that "I don't care how long you go, or how far away you get. You can always come back. I'm here for you, okay?"

_When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep_

However much Julian needed his sleep, it didn't come easily after the message on the steps. Derek tried to help, he really did, but all Julian wanted was to talk to Clark.

_Tears stream down your face_

Parents' Night went horribly wrong. When Adam saw Julian with Logan and Clark (or at least that was what the profiler suspected had happened) he went to grab a knife from the Hanover kitchen and stabbed himself in front of Julian. Logan went into a rage and four Windsor boys was needed to hold him back from jumping the bleeding Hanover-kid. Clark held a crying and shell-shocked Julian as Adam died.

_When you get what you want, but not what you need_

Derek had told Logan. That was the only explanation of why the prefect came into Julian's room the night before he was to leave for the movie, brutally kissing him and asking why he hadn't said anything.

Clark got the news the next day as soon as Julian arrived at his house, where he always stayed when he was in LA. The tall blonde tried to be happy for his friend, he truly did. But he couldn't.

"Damn it, J. How can you be so blind? The guy hits you, don't try to tell me it was once, I've seen the marks, and you jump into his arms as soon as he beckons?" It was the first time Clark had yelled at Julian.

_And the tears come streaming down your face_

"I thought you said you'd always be there for me, no matter what?" It came out as a fragile whisper as Clark entered the room the younger boy had stormed off to, and the anger vanished. The brunette looked at him with sad eyes and Clark sat down next to him on the floor and wiped his tears away.

_When high up above or down below_

The Light-relationship could best be described as stormy. They were either blissfully happy, or throwing vicious insults at each other. It wasn't an unusual occurrence that a day would start with the two having early morning coffee in one of their rooms and end with them yelling at each other and slamming doors.

When this happened, Julian would always hit speed-dial, and Clark would be the one to calm him down. It annoyed Logan to no end, and he told his boyfriend that he didn't trust Clark Sawyer one bit, which made Julian laugh.

He told Clark about it the next time they met on set, expecting Clark to laugh, or even to make a rude remark about Logan. He did not expect the answer he got.

"Maybe he shouldn't trust me," Clark said, with an intensity that made his friend look at him with wide eyes.

Julian was confused after Clark's confession. What did it mean? It was awkward again, and he moved out the next day. They didn't talk much after that.

_When you love someone but it goes to waste_

Loving Logan, and having Logan somewhat loving him back came at a cost. His boyfriend refused to take his pills, complaining that it made him numb. Unable to feel. Unable to love. Julian didn't force him. _Couldn't_ force him. But no medication meant a flaring temper, and Julian did no longer wear short-sleeved shirts.

_When you're too in love to let it go_

Logan didn't love _him_ as much as _he_ loved Logan, - Julian knew that. Deep down he knew that they didn't have a healthy relationship. But he loved Logan too much to let go. He had loved him for too long to let go.

_But if you never try you'll never know  
>Just what you're worth<em>

Julian had loved Logan. Julian had loved Logan for a long time, until one day he realized that he didn't anymore. He didn't love those strong arms that sometimes held him close, but often threw him into a wall or a table. He didn't love that voice which sometimes sang with emotional tenderness, but not to him. Never to him. He didn't love those poisonous green eyes that looked at him with coldness and with fury, but not with love. Never with love.

He closed his eyes and saw blue. He drowned in blue. A pair of blue eyes that never looked at him with coldness and with fury, but with love. Always with love. Clark's eyes were like lights, bright and safe.

_Lights will guide you home  
>And ignite your bones<br>And I will try to fix you_

When Clark came home to find Julian on his front steps it had been almost two years since he last had laid eyes on the boy he loved. He hadn't expected that love to still hit him with such force when his eyes met Julian's golden brown ones.

"You told me I could always come back." It came out more as a question than a statement, as the broken boy on the steps watched Clark approach.

Clark just nodded and pulled Julian up and into a tight hug, as tears came streaming down their faces.

_Lights will guide you home  
>And ignite your bones<br>And I will try to fix you_

-.-


End file.
